Jokes

[niemeyjt]

I miss my old man.

He had the heart of a lion and the stomach of a bear.

And a lifetime ban from Whipsnade Zoo.

[niemeyjt]

Going to bed early. Not leaving the house. Not going to a party . . .

My childhood punishments have become my adulthood goals.

[niemeyjt]

I just watched an amazing video about time travel.

I shall watch it again yesterday.

[Polarengineer]

mrs PE is a back seat driver, she says I have no sense of direction, so when we got home I packed my stuff and right.

[Quiksilver]

Whenever I get a headache, I take a couple of paracetamol and keep away from children like it says on the bottle

[niemeyjt]

Whenever I get a headache, I take a couple of paracetamol and keep away from children like it says on the bottle

Except in the jungle where the parrots eat 'em all.

[niemeyjt]

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminium Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys whereas Aluminium Man just foils their plans.

[niemeyjt]

Mrs N cooked two boiled eggs for my breakfast, but I only wanted one.

I told her one egg is un oeuf.

[niemeyjt]

I saw a guy spill his Scrabble tiles on the road outside.

I asked him "What's the word on the street"?

[niemeyjt]

Talking of which, my Labrador managed to eat about twenty tiles this morning (they eat anything, don't they), so I had to rush him down to the vet.

Here we are, five hours later, and there's still no word.