Jokes

[Quiksilver]

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[Quiksilver]

You can tell the sex of ants by dropping them in water.............







If it sinks - Girl Ant
If it floats - Buoyant I'll get my coat....

[Quiksilver]

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[ajm]

A young lass goes to the doctor for a checkup. As he put the stethoscope on her chest he says "big breaths". She says " yeth! and I'm only thixteen"

[Doug]

Straight from one of the doctor films? can't remember which.

[A.N.Other]

Went to see my old granddad in his care home yesterday evening, poor old boy is 94 years old, pretty out of it and bed bound. The Nurse came round to give him his evening meds and I couldn't help noticing what looked like a Viagra pill in amongst them.

"Viagra at his age and condition and condition" I said "whatever for?"

"Oh yes" she replied, "we give them to most of our bedridden residents as it stops them rolling out of bed!"

[glazedallover]

you have to watch on YouTube.....

[Sparkle]

Right place - Wrong joke

A Master Sergeant and a second lieutenant were in the latrine, each pissing in a urinal.
The MSgt finished first, zipped up and started to walk out.
The second lieutenant said to the MSgt,
“Master Sergeant, at West Point, they taught us to always wash our hands after using the urinal.”
The MSgt replied,
“Well sir, in basic training, they taught us not to piss on our hands”
and walked out.


You've reminded me of this which never fails to make me laugh.

[L Austin France]

A guy walked into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.
Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.
To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.
The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."
The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate and left. Two weeks later the guy came back and had his monkey with him.
He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar. The monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and then ate it.
Then the monkey found a peanut and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and ate it. The bartender asked, "Did you see what that filthy ape just did?" "No, what?" asked the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his arse, then he pulled them out and ate them." "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He'll eat anything, but ever since he had to s**t out that cue ball, he measures everything first."

[Bayleaf]

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