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Spectrum
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#421 Post by Spectrum »

Ford Focus wrote: ↑Thu Jan 20, 2022 12:51 pm
niemeyjt wrote: ↑Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:18 amcat.jpeg
Our youngsters called my bluff once and I ended up eating a whole can of cat food.
I did nibble a few "Spiller Shapes" and "Bonios" in my younger days, woof woof :crazy:
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Char
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#422 Post by Char »

Un allemand, un anglais et un français mangent dans un restaurant.
Le type qui mange en face d’eux ressemble vraiment beaucoup à Jésus.
A la fin, l’allemand veut en avoir le coeur net, il se lève et va voir le type :

Vous savez que vous ressemblez beaucoup à Jésus ?
Je suis Jésus.
Ah quelle chance ! Je suis un fervent catholique et, justement j’ai un terrible mal de tête…

Jésus tend la main, touche son front et guérit son mal de tête.
L’allemand revient à sa table et raconte ce qui s’est passé. L’anglais se lève à son tour et va voir Jésus :

Je crois en vous et j’ai un horrible mal au bras.

Jésus tend la main, touche son bras et guérit son rhumatisme.
L’anglais revient à sa table et raconte ce qui s’est passé. Le français ne bouge pas.

Au bout d’un moment, Jésus se pose des questions. Il se lève à son tour et s’approche :

Et vous, dit-il au Français, vous n’avez mal nulle part ?
Surtout, ne me touchez pas ! Je suis en arrêt maladie !!!
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niemeyjt
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#423 Post by niemeyjt »

An optimist sees a glass half full.

A pessimist sees a glass half empty.

An engineer sees the wrong size glass.
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niemeyjt
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#424 Post by niemeyjt »

And in a similar vein:

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
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Bayleaf
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#425 Post by Bayleaf »

Char wrote: ↑Thu Jan 20, 2022 1:17 pm
Surtout, ne me touchez pas ! Je suis en arrêt maladie !!!
:lol: Sounds about right!
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Quiksilver
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#426 Post by Quiksilver »

roadworks.jpg
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Char
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#427 Post by Char »

Quiksilver wrote: ↑Sat Jan 22, 2022 8:42 pm roadworks.jpg
Is that the road to Dover. :P
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niemeyjt
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#428 Post by niemeyjt »

"I just cleared out some space in the freezer" sounds so much more productive than "I just polished off another tub of ice cream".
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Quiksilver
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#429 Post by Quiksilver »

Char wrote: ↑Sat Jan 22, 2022 8:49 pm
Quiksilver wrote: ↑Sat Jan 22, 2022 8:42 pm roadworks.jpg
Is that the road to Dover. :P
:lol:
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Bayleaf
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#430 Post by Bayleaf »

As it's Burns Night - a Scottish theme

"Two old ladies standing in front of a Scots gent in full kilt etc., both of them looking a bit puzzled. The gent said 'Can I help you two ladies with something ? ' Well, yes' said one old lady, 'my sister and I were wondering if anything is worn under your kilt ??'
'Oh no, madam', said the gent, 'Everything is in absolulety fine working order !! "
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