Jokes

[niemeyjt]

Q: Why is there music coming from the laser printer?

A: It's the paper jamming.

[niemeyjt]

She left a note on the fridge saying "This isn't working. Goodbye"

Weird. I opened it and it was just fine.

[niemeyjt]

My brother took going to jail really badly.

He shouted and screamed at everyone who came near him. He refused all offers of food and drink. He threw the furniture around and broke the chairs.

That's the last time I play Monopoly with him.

[Spardo]

All crackers from the Anglo-Swiss stable J, but your last struck a chord with us. We stayed overnight many years ago with very good friends, both calm and collected at all times. Then after dinner a game of scrabble was suggested, not really our thing but we agreed. All thoughts of boredom disappeared when, 10 minutes into the game they started a blazing row and board and tiles exploded into the far corners of the room.

[niemeyjt]

My neighbours, a young couple, looked likely to get married before he was sentenced to a stint in prison.

After he was released I asked him whether he had asked her to marry him.

"Of course not" he replied "everyone knows you shouldn't end a sentence with a proposition"

[niemeyjt]

A friend lost three of his fingers on his right hand in an accident. He packed them in ICE and took them to A&E, but they could not reattach them.

After the doctor broke the news to him, he asked "Will I be able to write with my right hand again?"

The doctor replied "You should be able to, but don't count on it".

[niemeyjt]

The housing crisis in London is reaching epic proportions. Today I read of a Premier League footballer sharing his bed with four ladies.

I thought if, on all his money, he has to share what hope is there for normal people?

[Ford Focus]

The housing crisis in London is reaching epic proportions. Today I read of a Premier League footballer sharing his bed with four ladies.

I thought if, on all his money, he has to share what hope is there for normal people?

Magic mate!!!!

[rabbit]

Historic researchers have discovered that Shakespeare died from Tuberculosis. An expert in the disease has disputed this claim. Thus the question remains unanswered - TB or not TB

[Char]