Jokes

[Hotrodder]

That's why they invented the M25.

[Quiksilver]

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[niemeyjt]

If people from Poland are referred to as Poles then why aren't people from Holland referred to as Holes?

[niemeyjt]

Last week I went to the sports shop for some new trainers.

I tried on the first trainer and said to the assistant "it's too tight".

He said "Try it with the tongue out".

I said "It'th nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight"

[niemeyjt]

A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field so he sends in his border collie to count them.

The dog runs around in the field and then returns and said "forty!".

"Forty!", says the farmer, "That is not possible I only bought thirty-eight".

"That's right", replied the sheepdog, "I rounded them up".

[niemeyjt]

I bought a pair of those fancy Nike trainers from a drug dealer.

I've no idea what they were laced with, but I've been tripping up all day.

[niemeyjt]

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[niemeyjt]

Greggs are going to start a home delivery service using drones.

I say it's just pie in the sky.

[niemeyjt]

We had half a glass of wine left, and Mrs N suggested we share it. I got the empty half.

[niemeyjt]

Q. What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

A. One is very heavy and the other is a little lighter.