Jokes

[niemeyjt]

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[niemeyjt]

Someone keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off.

I'm being stalked.

[niemeyjt]

My brother-in-law is so stupid he thinks Hertz Van Rental was a Dutch painter.

And listening to the weather forecast he thought Dogger Bank was where sexual exhibitionists keep their money.

[Bayleaf]

In memory of Peake (Colin) - saw this and immediately thought of his favourite tactics against telemarketers!

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[Bayleaf]

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[niemeyjt]

Mrs N asked if I had seen the dog bowl.

I said I did not even know he played cricket.

[niemeyjt]

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[Spectrum]

A Yorkshireman with a a sore backside goes to the chemists, "Nah then does tha sell arse cream?" The chemists looks at him and says







" Aye lad Vanilla or chocolate?"

[Spectrum]

A baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender asks "What will it be stranger?" Anything but a Canadian club" replies the seal.

A bear walks into a bar and says "Bartender I would like a gin -----------------------------------------and tonic" And the bartender says "Sure but what's with the big pause?"

E-flat walks into a bar, the bartender says "Sorry we don't serve minors"


My wife said that for her birthday she would like to go somewhere where she has not been for a long time "What about the kitchen" I offered.


I still miss my ex wife, but my aim is getting better.


Those who live by the sword get shot by those that dont.


When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.


Farting in a lift is so wrong on so many levels.

Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in. He must be working from home.


Ive just written a book about falling down the stairs. Its a step by step guide

[niemeyjt]

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