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:speech_balloon: Grab a chair, kick off your shoes, chill and chat.
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niemeyjt
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Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:34 pm

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#1341 Post by niemeyjt »

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niemeyjt
Posts: 4920
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:34 pm

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#1342 Post by niemeyjt »

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Bayleaf
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Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2021 7:22 am
Location: NE Dordogne

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#1343 Post by Bayleaf »

They won't like it up 'em! :lol:
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curtis
Posts: 547
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2021 1:36 pm
Location: Charente Maritime

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#1344 Post by curtis »

Dans un compartiment de train, il y a un prêtre et deux appelés qui viennent d’être libérés du service militaire. Pas le prêtre... les appelés...

- Moi dit le premier, en arrivant chez moi, je vais fêter mon retour avec mes potes. Crois-moi, pendant un sacré bout de temps, je serai bourré tous les soirs ! Je vais me prendre des cuites d’enfer !

- Moi, fait l’autre, je vais me taper des filles ! Plein de gonzesses, une par jour, peut-être même plusieurs ! Je vais faire que ça toute la journée !

Une demi-heure passe, et un des deux bidasses, qui s’est mis à lire le journal, demande à son copain :

- C’est quoi un lumbago ?

- Je sais pas…

- Et vous Monsieur le curé, vous savez ce que c’est ?

Le prêtre, qui avait entendu, outré par la conversation précédente, répond d’un ton sec

- C’est une affection extrêmement grave et douloureuse qui frappe les alcooliques invétérés et les obsédés qui se livrent à des orgies sexuelles !

Quelques secondes s’écoulent, puis le prêtre demande :

- Au fait, pourquoi vous me demandez ça ?

- Oh, pour rien… C’est parce que dans le journal, ils disent que le pape souffre d’un lumbago !

niemeyjt
Posts: 4920
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:34 pm

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#1345 Post by niemeyjt »

I've just been given a sat-nav designed for old people.

Not only does it tell me how to get somewhere, it also tells me why I wanted to get there.

A.N.Other
Posts: 323
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2021 7:02 pm

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#1346 Post by A.N.Other »

A husband leaves a note for his wife which reads.

'You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am happy with you and I value you as a good wife therefore after reading this letter I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset, I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night he found the following letter on the dining room table :

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know I am a maths teacher at our local college so I would like to inform you that while you read this I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18 therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

Lori
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Location: Dordogne

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#1347 Post by Lori »

Hilarious !!

Veem
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Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2021 7:00 pm
Location: Near Confolens in Charente

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#1348 Post by Veem »

I was a Maths Coordinator too! :lol:

niemeyjt
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Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:34 pm

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#1349 Post by niemeyjt »

Just come back from the doctor - he says my weight is absolutely perfect for my BMI, but I am just 2 metres too short.

niemeyjt
Posts: 4920
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:34 pm

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#1350 Post by niemeyjt »

Richard Gere comes from a big showbiz family. His father, Gottler, was a famous Swedish ventriloquist.

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