Jokes

[niemeyjt]

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[Hotrodder]

[niemeyjt]

We've just got two new rescue dogs called “Rolex” and “Timex”.

They're watch dogs.

[niemeyjt]

A priest was driving along the road, somewhat erratically, and was pulled over by the Police.

The police officer smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees a half-empty wine bottle on the floor of the car and asks "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Only water," replies the priest.

The police office asks "Then why is that bottle half full of wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

[niemeyjt]

A couple of guys were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the comings and goings at the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister enter the brothel, and one of them said "It's such a shame to see a man of the cloth going bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other said "Yes and its such a shame to see that the Jews are falling victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the guys says "What a terrible pity . . . one of the girls must be dying."

[niemeyjt]

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[niemeyjt]

Did you hear about the guy who died next to a drain?

It was sewer side.

[Polarengineer]

Did Niemeyjt write the loony party’s manicfesto?
https://www.loonyparty.com/3515/8736/ma ... tion-2024/

[niemeyjt]

Well, I wouldn't belong to a party that would have me as a member - to paraphrase Groucho Marx.

But I am sad to see they have dropped their 99p coin idea - to pay for all those items priced at 99p without having lots of loose pennies in your pocket.

Loose Pennies are a problem - ask Mr Morduant.

[Nomoss]

A young man got a job in the bacon factory, but on his first day he returned home in the early afternoon.
"What happened" asked his mother
"I got fired, I put my willy in the bacon slicer" he replied
"Oh my god" said his mother, "what happened to the bacon slicer?"
"She got fired too"