Jokes

[Char]

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

[Doug]

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

My you are on form this afternoon.
do you have the girls big book of jokes mami asks.

[Char]

I've taken this thread way off track and was merely trying to get it back to rights so that others can post their jokes, if they wish, without feeling like they're interrupting. 'tis all.

[niemeyjt]

The Pope visited Liverpool and was handing out miracles. Billy walks up to him and asks "Can you help me with my hearing?"

The Pope puts his hands on Billy's ears and says a prayer and asks Billy - "How is your hearing now?"

Billy replies - "I don't know, it is not until next Wednesday".

[niemeyjt]

I bought a record of the sounds of British Hymenoptera as I wanted the sound effect of a hornet.

I listened and thought "that does not sound like a hornet".

Then I realised I was playing the bee side.

[niemeyjt]

We have seen crossbreeds of dogs bred for certain characteristics - like Labrador + Poodle => Labradoodle.

Well, a few more breeds have now been recognised:

Collie + Lhasa Apso => Collapso, a dog that folds for easy transport.

Pointer + Setter => Poinsetter, the traditional Christmas dog.

Pekingese + Lhasa Apso => Peekasso, an abstract dog.

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel => Irish Spring, a dog fresh and clean as mountain air.

Terrier + Bulldog => Terribull, not a good breed.

Blood Hound + Labrador => Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer => Moot Point, owned by . . . oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway.

Collie + Malamute => Commute, a dog that travels to work.

Deerhound and Terrier => Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.

Jack Russell + Shitzu => Jack Shit, the dog that doesn't care about anything.

Bull Terrier + Shitzu => They are stuck for a name for this one.

[Bayleaf]

Have you been munching on joke books for breakfast again? Think we've just got Blabadors around here!

[Doug]

A man got on a bus with his pockets bulging with golf balls, he sat down next to a beautiful girl. She kept looking at his bulging pockets, finally after a number of minutes he said to her, "its golf balls" nevertheless she continued looking for a few more minutes thinking of what he said.
Finally she asked " does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?

[niemeyjt]

American President Joe Biden is visiting a Glasgow hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness,

He greets one. The patient replies:

Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm.

Biden is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The next patient responds:

Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit.

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the President moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle

Now seriously troubled, Biden turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'

'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the serious Burns unit.'

[Spardo]

A cracker J, and what a pleasure to read for aw that.