Jokes

[rabbit]

A man had a pet parrot. He suffered a heart attack and was sprawled on the sofa. The parrot realised this was serious. He got down from his perch and manipulated the catch and opened the door. He flew to the desk and flicked the handset off the telephone then used his beak to touch 999. The operator answered ‘ -fire, police or ambulance ?´
The parrot answered « Who’s a pretty boy »

[niemeyjt]

I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

[niemeyjt]

My wife claims I'm the cheapest person she's ever met.

I'm not buying it.

[niemeyjt]

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.

It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.

[niemeyjt]

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[Bayleaf]

fridge magnets.jpg

[Bayleaf]

Definitely!

byelingual.jpg

[niemeyjt]

I've just ordered myself brand new walking boots plus socks - I went for a nice tartan pattern in a thick wool lycra mix, plus a set of new walking poles in a dayglow yellow (to help search parties if I get lost), a new 35 litre rucksack that matches the socks, a thermal woolly hat that covers the ears as well as the bald patch, and matching top of the range waterproof trousers and jacket with some dayglow flashes (again, in case I get lost), a new tartan thermos flask to match the socks and hat - I think it is the Duncan tartan pattern, plus...

Sorry.......... I'm starting to ramble!

[niemeyjt]

I went to the local Professor's house last night - he had a massive wardrobe in the living room.

I asked him what was in it.

"It's Narnia business" he replied.


(dedicated C.S. Lewis to 29 November 1898 – 22 November 1963)

Edit to fix duplication!

[Polarengineer]

It’s they way you tell them. (your too many)