Jokes
Grab a chair, kick off your shoes, chill and chat.-
Polarengineer
- Posts: 804
- Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2022 11:51 am
- Location: 23 la Creuse
Jokes
I hear Niemeyjt has retired from his job in the Christmas cracker factory and is publishing his memoirs here.
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Sparkle
- Posts: 2009
- Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:01 pm
- Location: 53 Mayenne
Jokes
Good Lord............some budgie smugglers in that photo me thinks.......
With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never be empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way into darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine.........The Corpse Bride
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niemeyjt
- Posts: 4920
- Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:34 pm
Jokes
Talking of which . . .
A guy goes to the beach for vacation, and he really wanted to impress the ladies on the beach. He worked out a bunch, tanned in advance, and bought a set of budgie smugglers.
Each day, he put on his tight budgie smuggler and began walking the beach, smiling at the bathing beauties, yet he didn’t have any luck with the opposite sex. But he noticed that a scrawny guy, who was a 5 out of 10 at best, was surrounded by beautiful women!
After a few days of seeing this guy pulling all the chicks, he decided to go ask him, what was his secret?
The guy whispered to him in a very conspiratorial tone, “Tomorrow, when you go walking on the beach, just put a potato in your bathing suit.”
The tourist nodded and smiled; it made so much sense!
So the next day, the guy put a potato into his Speedos and hit the beach. To his surprise, the ladies stayed even further away from him!
He walked down the beach to the nerdy gigolo and asked, “Hey, I put a potato in my bathing suit like you said, but the ladies won’t come anywhere near me!?!”
The scrawny dude looked at him and said, “Try again tomorrow, but this time, put the potato in the front.”
A guy goes to the beach for vacation, and he really wanted to impress the ladies on the beach. He worked out a bunch, tanned in advance, and bought a set of budgie smugglers.
Each day, he put on his tight budgie smuggler and began walking the beach, smiling at the bathing beauties, yet he didn’t have any luck with the opposite sex. But he noticed that a scrawny guy, who was a 5 out of 10 at best, was surrounded by beautiful women!
After a few days of seeing this guy pulling all the chicks, he decided to go ask him, what was his secret?
The guy whispered to him in a very conspiratorial tone, “Tomorrow, when you go walking on the beach, just put a potato in your bathing suit.”
The tourist nodded and smiled; it made so much sense!
So the next day, the guy put a potato into his Speedos and hit the beach. To his surprise, the ladies stayed even further away from him!
He walked down the beach to the nerdy gigolo and asked, “Hey, I put a potato in my bathing suit like you said, but the ladies won’t come anywhere near me!?!”
The scrawny dude looked at him and said, “Try again tomorrow, but this time, put the potato in the front.”
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Biloute
- Posts: 313
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2021 8:41 pm
- Location: Vendée
Jokes
My wife told me she saw a rat in the barn.
I told her we must have some pesticide tablets left.
She said: look at the expiration date ! If it's past that, it could be poisonous...
I told her we must have some pesticide tablets left.
She said: look at the expiration date ! If it's past that, it could be poisonous...
Demain est le premier des jours qu'il nous reste à vivre: profitons-en ! 
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exile
- Posts: 2638
- Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 9:57 pm
- Location: Auvergne Rhone Alpes
Jokes
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.
He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The granddad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."
Another outburst and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad."
"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."
He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The granddad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."
Another outburst and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad."
"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."