French Funerals

[Polly]

Antonia, it was kind of your neighbour to sign the book of condolence on your behalf. It probably won’t be long before another funeral is announced. Where we are the announcements are usually stuck on a wall in the passage way to the market square.

A neighbour in our apartment block was the retired fire chief and when he died after a long illness we attended his funeral. He never spoke to neighbours during the years we lived there, but nodded from a great height if we passed one another in town, much as I felt General de Gaulle might have done, but we got on very well with his wife, who we went to support.

It was a huge occasion for firefighters from all over the Gard, with far more fire vehicles parked there than you’d ever see together normally, and full uniforms, medals and white gloves worn, with the pallbearers wearing huge shiny silver helmets.

There were songs played, photos of family and formal firefighter occasions projected on a large screen and speeches made by our mayor and prominent firefighter leaders. Although it was a very formal occasion it was very much a family occasion too, with all his grandchildren there. The queues to sign the two books of condolence were extremely long. We all later received a thank you card from the family.

We also attended the funeral of a good friend - he was Dutch, we’re British, but met and got on well together in France.

His partner phoned to say that he had died peacefully the previous evening during a large gathering of Dutch people, that one of those present had stayed with her overnight but had to leave, so would I please accompany her to see the funeral director.

Off we went, and as her understanding of French seemed to have deserted her, I tried to get mine working overtime in the very new situation. That day was the first time I ever saw a dead body as our friend felt she couldn’t go to see her partner for the last time on her own, and really wanted to; I don’t know what I’d imagined but I had a very peaceful feeling.

The funeral was held a few days later so that Dutch relatives and friends had time to travel to the funeral. His relatives didn’t speak to the deceased's partner at all, but his friends from childhood did, along with his radio ham friends from around France, who were delighted to be given his kit.

Several people wanted to speak at the funeral service in Dutch, English and French, so were each allowed 5 minute slots. However the brother stood up to read the many pages that he had written about how wonderful he had been to his brother and wouldn’t stop even for the officials who tried to intervene. Eventually a Dutch friend sitting nearby went over and she practically pushed him away in order to let our friend’s partner read her words.

We all filed past the coffin, placing single flowers on it, which we were handed, then drove to a friend’s home for the wake, where we signed the book of condolence. We all took along the food we’d prepared and the drinks.

The friend had offered accommodation to the family the night before the funeral and also the night of the wake; they shut themselves in one of the bedrooms, demanding that their hostess take food and drinks in to them. They didn’t come out at all or acknowledge or speak to the partner of their relative at the funeral or afterwards.

The rest of our big group had a really good wake, swapping memories with many smiles and raised nany toasts to our deceased friend.

[Polarengineer]

A while ago we had a family member funeral in Holland, not wanting to travel there we were notified that it would be broadcast on the internet to those that registered an interest. I was amazed at how professional it all was, multiple camera angles, close ups of speakers, far far better than any BBC output.