Help after losing a spouse.

[Naylor's Ark]

I think people use forums to ask questions, so they can get other's personal experience. Something you don't get with an internet search.

[leclairon]

Thank you, Elsie. I am always grateful to pick up snippets of advice from the forums. I do read the newspaper and subscribe to Le Particulier and a couple of others but hadn't seen the info about the time extension for burial after death which is really important. I have picked up a lot of information in the past, on tax, etc.which has also been very useful.
Although I have also directly contacted the Tax Department and the 'free' line to Le Particulier, information from Forum members has also been much appreciated.

[hughnique]

Has the daughter made any move to attend and help Dad out Bayleaf, It is good to be able to help but don't burn yourself out.

[Bayleaf]

Has the daughter made any move to attend and help Dad out Bayleaf, It is good to be able to help but don't burn yourself out.

She's waiting for her Dad to ask, they're not an overly close family. He's fiercely independent, but thankfully not too proud to call on us if need be. The cremation was yesterday, and the company (equivalent to Pure Cremation I guess?) have been brilliant. He's also getting daily visits from a Nurse, due to his own health problems, and yesterday Doc and Social Services visited to see what they can do. We're there as back up, and he always insists in paying for anything we do. Thank you for the concern - it's been an emotional week, but we're learning a lot about what to do when the inevitable happens to one of us!

They've sort of been like an Aunt and Uncle to us for over 10 years, so we're happy to be there for him - and the daughter I speak to in the UK is lovely, so I'm also happy to keep in touch with her.

In the meantime, there's always lots of gardening, so we're there regularly anyway ....

[hughnique]

Strange that the daughter did not attend the cremation, I remember when FIL passed it had to be held up for several days so as our son could get over from UK, again the trouble with showing general concern and attempting to assist is that sometimes you get branded as being up to something to benefit yourself in some way

[Blaze]

She's waiting for her Dad to ask, they're not an overly close family.

It's not always that simple. If the Dad is going through a whirl of emotions, grief, shock, loss, it may be all he wants/needs : for his daughter to just turn up. It can be incredibly difficult to ask for help, particularly if there's been a rift.
If the daughter doesn't make a move quickly, she could regret it one day. How often have I heard "I wish I'd been/gone there" ....
But then I don't know the family or the personalities.

[Bayleaf]

@hughnique No-one attended the cremation - I only knew about it from his French neighbour the day before. I don't know the official name, but it's basically a "no funeral".

@Blaze All families are different, they'll sort themselves out I'm sure. Both daughters (the other is in Germany) were told specifically not to just turn up, even before their mum died. I don't feel it's our place to make judgment or tell them what to do. I'm just happy to have been able to give the widower Hotrodder's list to help him get on with things himself as much as he feels able.

[demi]

In the UK that type of cremation is known as Direct Cremation. No one attends, but you are told the time and can have the ashes afterwards. It is what my OH wanted and had. (Which solved a lot of problems as he died during a lockdown period in 2020).

[hughnique]

Sorry Bayleaf fell in now when you said no funeral earlier on I thought that was a bit strange but now understood. I must say I have not heard of this type of thing before, I doubt if Mrs Nique would approve as she is very emotional, but I suppose it might save a few floods of tears, bad enough when our son goes home from here, the water level in the Loire goes up a foot when that happens

[Naylor's Ark]

@demi That's interesting to hear your OH had that type of funeral. People have said in the past, that you need a funeral to help with the grieving process. I suppose, a specific day to remember or say goodbye.
Have you felt that you missed anything by not having a traditional funeral for your OH, now that some time's passed?
I'm thinking this is what I would choose. I hate funerals. I wouldn't want to subject my family & friends to one. My OH would probably feel the same.