Jokes

[Bayleaf]

At the beginning, I thought that it was serious ...... like WTF? Then realised someone was cleverly taking the pissoir!

Have to share this one from a book I'm reading:

Saint Peter, on duty at the Pearly Gates, is feeling tired one day. Christ comes along and offers to take over for a bit, give him a wee break (the book is set in Glasgow). "Fine", says Peter, and away he goes, leaves him to it. So Christ's sitting there, and after a while this old boy comes doddering up to the gates, asks if he can get in. Well, Christ goes through the procedure like, asks him about his life. And the more the old boy tells him, the more interested Christ gets.
"I grew up in a small town", he says," I was a carpenter."
"Oh aye?" says Christ.
"I only had the one son, and I wanted him to follow me into the business."
"Uh huh?"
"But God had other plans for him. My son left home and went out into the world."
"Aye?"
"He became very famous."
And by this time Christ is so excited, he can't keep it in any longer. He shouts out "Father!"


And the old boy looks at him and says "Pinnocchio?"

[Bayleaf]

Anyone remember the "Now that's what I call Music" LPs? Still going apparently, and here' a topical one!

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[niemeyjt]

Anyone fancy organising a cheese and wine party - or was it cheese and whine?

[Char]

Anyone fancy organising a cheese and wine party - or was it cheese and whine?

Should that read sleeze and whine?

[niemeyjt]

Talking of Christmas parties - I've just heard that this year's RNLI CHristmas bash has been cancelled with the Omicron panic.

It is very sad. The last one I went to was absolutely fantastic. They certainly know how to push the boat out.

[niemeyjt]

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[niemeyjt]

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[rabbit]

Anyone fancy organising a cheese and wine party - or was it cheese and whine?

somebody broke the roules

[Bayleaf]

"An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,
"I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car - NOW!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing! He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story? If you're having a senior moment... make it memorable!"

[niemeyjt]

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