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:speech_balloon: Grab a chair, kick off your shoes, chill and chat.
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curtis
Posts: 547
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2021 1:36 pm
Location: Charente Maritime

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#931 Post by curtis »

L’entraîneur de l'OM est à la recherche d ' un nouvel attaquant et est informé de l'existence d'un extraordinaire jeune Irakien.

Il prend donc l'avion pour Bagdad et assiste à un match du jeune prodige.

Il est subjugué par ce qu'il voit et s'arrange pour que la future superstar déménage à Marseille.­­­



Deux mois plus tard, en championnat le PSG mène 2 - 0 contre l'OM et il ne reste plus que dix minutes à jouer.
Il décide alors de faire entrer sa nouvelle recrue.
­
Le jeune marque 3 buts et donne la victoire à l'OM Les supporters pleurent de joie.



Les joueurs et l'entraineur se jettent sur lui pour l'embrasser.



Lorsqu'il rentre aux vestiaires, il appelle sa mère pour partager sa joie.



- « Salut M'man, tu ne devineras jamais quoi ! en moins de dix minutes, j'ai marqué 3 buts et on a gagné. Tout le monde est fou, même la Presse est dingue de moi !"



- « Comme je suis contente pour toi, mon fils. »



- «Et toi, maman, comment ça va ?

- « Mal mon fils ! Ton père vient juste de se faire tirer dessus en pleine rue : il est aux urgences. Ta sœur a été violée à l'école, et ton jeune frère a été arrêté avec un copain : il conduisait une voiture volée…»



Le jeune joueur se sent subitement très embarrassé.



- « Je ne sais pas quoi te dire M'man, j'suis désolé. »



- « Désolé, désolé !! C'est toi qui as voulu qu'on quitte Bagdad pour venir habiter à Marseille, non ! »

exile
Posts: 2644
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 9:57 pm
Location: Auvergne Rhone Alpes

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#932 Post by exile »

That lad gets around @curtis

First time I heard it he was playing for Liverpool. :lol:

niemeyjt
Posts: 4920
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:34 pm

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#933 Post by niemeyjt »

I really hate it when people start preparing for events months ahead.

This week some idiots were letting off fireworks - a month before Guy Fawkes night.

It terrified the dog - he hid under the Christmas tree.

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Bayleaf
Posts: 3383
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2021 7:22 am
Location: NE Dordogne

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#934 Post by Bayleaf »

Wasn't sure where to put this:

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

ajm
Posts: 1215
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2021 3:23 pm
Location: 49 Paradis

Jokes

#935 Post by ajm »

An English guy arrived at border control in Australia. The guard looked at his passport and asked " do you have a criminal record? " the guy replied " sorry I didn't know you still needed one"

A.N.Other
Posts: 323
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2021 7:02 pm

Jokes

#936 Post by A.N.Other »

Bayleaf wrote: Sun Oct 09, 2022 6:11 pm Wasn't sure where to put this:

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Fair enough joke but what's with all those commas, I count about 18 which have no business being there.

Not to mention apostrophes instead of quotation marks.

Someone wasn't paying attention during their English lessons at school.

I'll assume you didn't write it of course!

ajm
Posts: 1215
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2021 3:23 pm
Location: 49 Paradis

Jokes

#937 Post by ajm »

A.N.Other wrote: Sun Oct 09, 2022 7:19 pm
Bayleaf wrote: Sun Oct 09, 2022 6:11 pm Wasn't sure where to put this:

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Fair enough joke but what's with all those commas, I count about 18 which have no business being there.

Not to mention apostrophes instead of quotation marks.

Someone wasn't paying attention during their English lessons at school.

I'll assume you didn't write it of course!
Pedant!

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Bayleaf
Posts: 3383
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2021 7:22 am
Location: NE Dordogne

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#938 Post by Bayleaf »

A N Other - :roll: Pedant indeed - and yes, I just copied and pasted it. 8-)

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Hotrodder
Posts: 3260
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 8:31 pm
Location: Brittany 22

Jokes

#939 Post by Hotrodder »

ajm wrote: Sun Oct 09, 2022 7:03 pm An English guy arrived at border control in Australia. The guard looked at his passport and asked "do you have a criminal record? "the guy replied" sorry I didn't know you still needed one "
Or alternatively: the guy replied - "I have one by Kylie Minogue but I didn't think to bring it with me."
On my headstone it will say: Please switch off mobile phones. I'm trying to get some sleep.

niemeyjt
Posts: 4920
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:34 pm

Jokes

#940 Post by niemeyjt »

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